you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
