Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
