im about as happy as oj after his trial
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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