So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
