Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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