She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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