Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
