I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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