We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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