she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
