we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
