Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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