Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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