People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
