clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Banned from zoo.
Again?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
