Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
