hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize