I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
