So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
