I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
