Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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