Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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