Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
