there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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