I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
