Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize