i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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