Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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