I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
