I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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