oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
