afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
