i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
And then he peed in my hair
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