how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
