So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
