Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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