oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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