there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
