she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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