Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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