I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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