you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
