And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
