he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
