Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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