I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
