I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Randomize
