five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
