your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
