At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i think my cat just said my name.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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