I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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