How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
