Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So here I am, sexting at work.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
