I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
