I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Found the puke drawer
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
