god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
