What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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