They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
