I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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