You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
