he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize