FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
