I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
