you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
