If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
