Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
