apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
