I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
