why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize