so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
