I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
