I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
