Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
