he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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