My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
