sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
