If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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