we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize