Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
