so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
no you cant smoke seaweed
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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