There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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