I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize