Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
