i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
MIDGETS
????
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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