In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
