Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
