just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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