I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
no you cant smoke seaweed
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
