What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize