All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
