I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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