She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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