Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(937): View more from Ohio

so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.

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(989): View more from Michigan

you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin

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(360): View more from Washington

tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse

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(716): View more from New York

her body is proportioned like a family guy character

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(408): View more from California

By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.

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(317): View more from Indiana

You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants

(812): View more from Indiana

That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.

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(313): View more from Michigan

Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"

(248): View more from Michigan

You should've introduced yourself

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(831): View more from California

Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.

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