Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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