Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
