White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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