Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize