New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
