so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
home. puking in laundry basket.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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