i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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