I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
