just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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