Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
me + whiskey = a bad person
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
