I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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