Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
foreskin is a definite game changer
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
