My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
