For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
