Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize