I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
