Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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