Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Found your dick twin last night
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
