we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
