i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
