Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Randomize
