Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize