I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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