If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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