She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
