he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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