how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
there's paper in my vomit.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
